hello dear friends near and far :)
times have been WEIRD and i am very grateful to be sitting here feeling far more healthy and stable and grounded than in the last few months. it has been a long / beautiful / terrifying / awesome / long summer in all senses of the word. thank you for your support and patience over these last months. if you have any space, i’d love to come over for dinner sometime and catch up :) it’d be great to see you and it would help me a lot for reasons below
thank you to everyone who has reached out / helped in any way whatsoever, i am very grateful to be here with your help. really can’t do it without you :)
i am very grateful to be walking and socializing in ways i couldn’t even fathom two months ago. in general terms, my health is much much better though there is no rush to this healing journey. the executive function / to do list of eating enough food every day is still a struggle but i am trying to be patient and acknowledge there are many ways i am healing all at once, even if the physical side of things is a challenge. i am generally in very good spirits, though of course have hard days / moments. this is not to say my life isn’t difficult but to focus on the positive and stay grounded in my deep well of gratitude for life.
i am still completely unable to work in ways in a traditional sense, and i am grateful to use the privilege of all this free time to build towards the life of my dreams:
a life of enlightenment, leisure, rest, play, ferocious intention. a life fully devoted to service in mutual community. a life of radical interdependence, creation, healing, and joy.
to do this i am shining my light / gifts big and loud as much as i can. the website is now a place for me to share all my beautiful creations – poetry compassionate writing, spoken word, song, art, photography, and who knows that else the universe will bring
the rhythm of creation does not follow a calendar, so rather than sharing every time i make something new, i intend to do a weekly update to show what has been going on. since there’s been a lot going on this last month i’ll share a little bit at a time
the most supportive thing you can do is keep following, share the website with a friend, and be yourself :) if you have any feedback / ideas i’d love to hear it so i can better serve my audience as well as advertise myself to the world
this week
new homepage, about me, basically removed all visible heaviness
dreams
dreams
to love myself
to know i am loved
to know myself
to love i am known
to make mistakes
and know i will not be abandoned
to abandon myself
in the pursuit of the unknown
to find myself
vulnerable
in the unknowable expanse of the great beyond
to solidify
to care less
not less for the plights of the world large and small
but less for people’s words and opinions to lance my open heart
and leave me with nothing left
for myself and my loved ones
for the world
— sixteenandahalf august twothousandzerohundredstwentyfive
i bare my throat
content warning
PG
intentions
share / hold / be held
tone
however it lands with you
i bare my throat
to remind myself
to relax
to remind myself
i am safe
to remind myself
there is no need to hide
to remind myself
to breath
deeply.
—sixteenandahalf august twothousandzerohundredstwentyfive
Still
this being does not want the infinite-collection-of-beings-known-as-drew to read them aloud
they want you to
content warning
raw
possibly bleak
you hold my heart in your hand
squeezing, crushing, closing
constricting. You do not let go
I feel it. Pinning me down.
I cannot move. I cannot try.
I cannot move mountains, either.
It is the same. Why try
only to fail.
That would be to hope.
And that is far too difficult
far too dangerous.
Better to lie here.
Still.
—twentyseven may twothousandzerohundredstwentythree
no rider no mount
content warning
in dreaming
PG
intentions
express / share / stand tall
tone
however it lands with you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🎵 click here to listen to spoken-word-friend 🎵
( may be a bit loud )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i could hear it first
smash tdlingingingkle
smash tdlingingingkle
smash tdlingingingkle
the fragmentary gold pieces fell to the ground in an increasingly large heap
tumbling over each other down and around and down
sliding in the weight of velocity like shifting sands
pieces, i said
pieces of swords
a stone bust of a great aztec emperor bound this heap to itself
rising from within like a conquering phoenix of old
smash tdlingingingkle
smash tdlingingingkle
smash tdlingingingkle
these are the sounds of sword after sword after sword
falling against the impassive immovable stone face
striking at speed uselessly and clattering into pieces
shattered by the great burden of their inadequacy
pieces, i said
of a sacred task
a sacred trial
a siren’s song to the strong and the glorified and the purposeless
none had found themselves worthy
these once swords were gathered
tossed with the reverence they deserve into a grand crucible that stood above
the crucible looked down at the masses
where
these once proud were gathered
it was a pretty view from on high
can you see it?
pieces, i said
some men tested strength
some men tested fortune
and some men tested fate
our story starts with the end and ends with the beginning
smash tdlingingingkle
smash tdlingingingkle
smash tdlingingingkle
a man holding a stone far larger than he climbed the stairs to the top of the platform
he dove into the crucible on high
waves of velveteen pillowy gold leapt into the air
a gasp from the crowd
the gold settled into the shape of a bowl
frozen in place
the crowd had never seen such delicate perfection
fate had found its man
he walked into the great hall carrying a pyramid upon his back
an entire pyramid, i tell you
( of smooth egyptian cut, though this teller is sure it was meant to be aztec blocks
sometimes the details can become ravaged in their journey through time and space )
his smile was sure and proud and knowing
i wanted to punch that smile
as he lifted the pyramid from his back and held it aloft with one arm
he said some words to the crowd before he leapt
these words are lost to time
because i did not care to listen
he rose
higher and higher
and higher and higher and higher
the pyramid had turned into great feathered wings of pure snow white
that bore him on light itself
every flap shone like the sun in circling radiance
encircling
a wild laugh of a man and a horse
there was no rider
no mount
they rode each other
as equals
and dove
wings folded
the pyramid long gone
turned in on itself
upside down now
an arrow
falling
impossibly fast
towards liquid gold
that rose into another perfect bowl
and rose from within that bowl into another perfect bowl
and rose from within that bowl into another perfect bowl
three bowls of gold
nestled within another
the crowd did not gasp
they marveled
and murmured
briefly
in awestruck silence
for from within that perfect bowl and bowl and bowl
kept rising
a fountain of liquid gold
a wall
a mirror
a lens
that held two
dark
ancient
ancient
eyes
who did not smile
kindly
this is the last thing i saw
before the gold swept down
overflowing its cage in a roar
and
consumed us all
—fifteen june twothousandtwentyfive
oeuvre d’un exposition de juin 2019 à l’abbaye saint-andré – villeneuve-lez-avignon. j’ai pris ce photo mais j’ai attribué le mauvais artist dans mes journaux. j’ai contacté l’association et j’espère de retrouvé l’artist original
15 min read about pronouns, gender, difficulties of navigating our modern world
listening to death
these 13 posts are the completed series of what i had been writing / intending to share to build visibility / support, though i was quickly too overwhelmed to keep posting publicly. expect deep spirituality, big feelings, heavy painful emotion, universal love, and radical permission. if you want to start at the beginning [1]
Healing Drew 