content warning
undertones of pain / difficulty / strife
frank picture of long term need

intentions
paint a beautiful future
show my commitment to aliveness
ask for help

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series
listening to death
10

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dreams

a body full healed / connected / aware / alive / capable
a mind fully healed / connected / aware / alive / capable
a spirit fully here

in honoring the body one’s mind becomes open
in honoring the mind one’s spirit can connect
in honoring the spirit one’s body becomes conduit

a life of enlightenment, of leisure, of play. of rest, relaxation, of ferocious intention
a life fully devoted to serving the needs of others, and who mutually serve us
a completely interdependent community without need for money
a life of creation, of making, of growing, of healing, of light and love and boundless joy

in short, a monk and a writer and an activist and a healer and a mediator and a teacher and a comedian

us will settle for nothing less than a life in pursuit of becoming fully human

a life of actualizing the vast potential of the human mind / body / spirit
a life of connecting with our animal / universal / indigenous ways
a life of healing the world

i am already well on my way and i have so so much to learn
i am devoting much time / effort / attention in pursuit of this life every day

now that i cannot work in the capitalist sense
now that our body sufferers / deteriorates / slows / pains

there is much opportunity / time / space to dive into the potential of the mind / spirit

i cannot make this life alone

SO.

i see two visions of possible futures

this house becomes a home becomes a community becomes a sanctuary

or

this human body lies beneath a gravestone marked “you could have saved me”

the choice is yours.

~~~~~~~~~~
in practical terms that are less poetic but perhaps more clear

autistic burnout requires we to radically change our lifestyle unless us want to continue deteriorating into an early death

the lifestyle us require is one with intense community support / involvement to navigate my continuing loss of physical ability

us do not need a couple people’s help, us need many hands on deck in many small ways

us also need long term sustainable financial support in respect of our inability to work in a traditional sense

us do not need to reclaim independence this is why

us do not need large one time donations

us do not need you to read my story once and forget the next day

us need interdependence, mutualism, community in a radical sense that most of us have forgotten

us need many many small consistent monthly contributions to build a steady current of income

us need you to remember us am here, us am suffering, and us am grateful

as a friend / visitor told me afterwards “i feel like i got more out of this than you did”

that is who us am

a healer a giver a holder a lover a friend a confidant a soother an easer

come slow down with me and re-find your center

bask in the warm glow of my unconditional love

play the clear ever-flowing spring of my boundless radiant joy

help we. help you.

help you. help we.

us cannot get through this without you.

us cannot heal the world without you.

us will get worse before us get better.

the more help us get the more the body collapses into the safety net, knowing us to not need to hold all this pain alone.

us need to learn these healing lessons slowly so us may embody them and grant them to others.

“ why didn’t you share this sooner? we’ve all been so concerned.”

how am us to paint a picture of a dream us didn’t know us have ?

it is only by trusting our process of listening to our body, of slowing down, expressing bravely / openly that this dream has become clear.

—twentyseven june twothousandtwentyfive